To place a film – especially one with a cast of Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock, Viola Davies and Max Von Sydow to name but a few – in that murky pit alongside such excrement as The Hottie And The Nottie and Epic Movie may seem like an overstatement, but even in Extremely Loud’s opening minutes it’s difficult to recall a film so painfully unbearable.

As we follow the young, idiosyncratic Thomas Schell who loses his father in the 9/11 attacks and during the aftermath embarks on a quest to unlock the secret posed by key he found hidden in the family closet, watching the film makes a week of incarceration at Guantanamo Bay sound like a Mediterranean cruise.

Thomas himself, after all, is one of the most loathsome individuals to reach the big screen. A smug, self-obsessed, cold, rude and foul-mouthed brat, it’s literally impossible to care for his ridiculous journey across New York City which anyone above the IQ of a rotting dead animal would deem inane.

Some have asserted that Thomas is portrayed as a sufferer of aspergers or autism thus explaining his emotional distance and irrational behavior, but if this is true then Stephen Daldy, writer Eric Roth and the entire crew behind this production should be ashamed of themselves. The creation of such a hateful character should never be excused by a mental illness and their attempts to use autism as justification for his intolerable actions is both offensive and cruel. That’s not even mentioning their entirely false stereotypes of the illness, furthermore.

However, what surrounds our main character is just as much a nightmare. The structure is so clumsy as it awkwardly shifts between before and after ‘the worst day’, the tone is so misguided as it balances a childlike sensibility against the backdrop of the most awful terrorist attack in history and the writing is so bad that for the first time in my long history of cinema-going I genuinely considered walking. And I wasn’t even 20 minutes into the movie.

But worst of all is its use of the September 11th attacks as a launch pad on which to tell this story. With seemingly no need for this aspect – if Thomas’ dad had died in a car crash very little would change about Extremely Loud’s narrative – it’s shameless and unnecessary emotional manipulation of the highest order. Daldry simply uses the event as a morbid attempt to scoop some Oscar buzz and capitalize on 9/11’s ten year anniversary and that, make no mistake, is a disgusting, sickening and hateful act.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close arrogantly thinks that it’s a big, important and profound work of cinema, but instead it’s an imbecilic and irritable mess on a scale of which I have never encountered before. It’s offensive, stupid, heartless and features some of the most detestable moments of film-making ever allowed past a test screening.

The fact that the Oscars nominated this drama for Best Picture is a huge indictment of how all it takes for a shot at the golden statue is a big cast, a high-profile director, an important issue and a large promotional campaign to blind the naysayers who see the film for what it really is: Extremely Disgusting and Incredibly Offensive.

0/5

UK Cinema Release Date: Friday 17th February 2012
Directed by: Stephen Daldry
Written by: Eric Roth, Jonathan Safran Foer
Produced by: Scott Rudin
Starring: Sandra Bullock, Tom Hanks, John Goodman, Viola Davis, Jeffrey Wright, Max von Sydow
Genre: Drama
Language: English
Runtime: 2 hours 9 minutes (approx.)

Well, don’t worry, all is not lost.

Here at New In Cinema we’ve complied eight pieces of the finest dating advice to ensure you have a hot new partner wrapped around your arms by the end of the night with thanks to the source of all romantic knowledge in this universe: Hollywood

Let’s take a look at how you can turn your evening of Domino’s takeaway and DVD rentals into a dreamy night with your ideal partner:

01) Too un-cool for the popular crowd? Date a bad boy and loosen the hell up.

None of the popular crowd want to date you? They think you’re too boring, too un-cool? Well, look no further than Kat’s guidance in 10 Things I Hate About You which shows how the solution to your problems is both simple and close at hand.

And that hand is probably wearing handcuffs.

Kat cared about her future and aspired to great heights and even READ BOOKS OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL. I mean, talk about needing to loosen up, right?

Fortunately, she was saved and finally managed to let herself go by falling for a troublemaking student played by Heath Ledger who, earlier in the film, is shown attacking another boy with an electrical tool for attempting to talk to him.

But, hey, it’s precisely that devil-may-care attitude that enables Kat to learn that such actions as getting embarrassingly drunk at a party and going home with a strange boy aren’t the end of the world; a code of ethics that both teen movies and date rapists swear by.

However, be warned, in real life these bizarre guys who want to drive you home may not always look like Heath Ledger.

02) If you’re a single parent, let your kids set you up.

Arguably, there is nobody on Valentine’s Day who has it quite as rough as the single parents of young children. While others are swept away on romantic dates, snuggling in the arms of their partner in front of a romantic movie or devouring a delicious gourmet meal, it’s these single parents who will instead be stuck at home looking over maths homework and doing the chores.

But if Hollywood are the authority on romance, then you don’t have to worry; you’re young son or daughter can set you up on a fabulous date! You may just happen to be the ideal match for their brand new primary school teacher or maybe their best friend’s Dad has recently undergone a traumatic divorce!

Sure, they may trick you into thinking their knowledge of the other sex hasn’t expanded past the belief that girls have herpies and boys smell or that they don’t understand the important factors of what constitutes attraction e.g. good facial hair or big boobs. But that’s all just a ploy; they are actually the masters of matchmaking. Just look at Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap or Thomas Sangser in Love Actually.

03) Don’t judge a book by its cover. That odd, bearded man who looks like he was born to play a peadophile in a PSA is probably a nice guy.

Can’t find a date for Valentine’s Day? Well, don’t overlook that strange guy who lives in the old, derelict, rotten house at the end of your neighbourhood.

He may look like a violent, semi-psychotic stalker with a list of mental health problems as long as Reece Witherspoon’s chin at first, but if Hollywood know their romance, then he’s probably a nice guy under the surface!

Just take Adam Sandler’s classic Punch Drunk Love. The guy is obsessed with buying coupons, prone to bipolar emotional states and refuses to take off his blue suit, but really he’s just a sensitive, good-hearted and achingly misunderstood human being.

The message here is not to judge a book by its cover. Even if, in the case of Charles Manson, the cover sometimes contains valuable information, you might be missing out on the date of your life.

05) Trying to pull on Valentine’s Day and not sure what to wear? We have one simple solution!

On a Valentine’s night out this evening, guys? Not sure what to wear? Well, look no further than Dirty Dancing for the answer. Because, as the film portrays, if you can dance in black leather pants you don’t need a whole lot else.

But maybe you don’t want to go to the predictable nightclub or bar spots to pick up a date? After all, it’s going to be flustered with great-looking people all after the same thing. So where the hell do you go instead?

Well, let me introduce you to both Enoch and Annabel from Restless and Harold and Maude from, um, Harold and Maude who prove that you should never discount funerals as a trendy place to pick up a hot date.

07) The love of your life doesn’t feel the same about you? Stop being ‘you’!

We’ve all been there: that horrible moment when you confess your undying love to someone and they simply just do not feel the same. Well, instead of spending hours pouring your heart out trying to accept the fact that you didn’t mean as much to your crush as they mean to you, there’s actually a simple answer to your problem:

According to the movies, it’s probably because you dress in clothing that reflects your individuality, style and personal attitude towards life. So, all you need to do to win the one that you love is trash any evidence of your personality and transform yourself into whatever you think your crush would want!

Like how Sandy reinvents herself as a chain-smoking slut who wears clothes that appear to be made out of pillowcases in Grease because she think John Travolta may prefer it or how he in turn changes from a greasy haired jock into, um, a greasy haired jock in a jumper, you need to start treating love more like a witness relocation program if you truly want to capture your crush’s heart.

08) Your date not what you expected? Change ‘em.

On the flip side, many of us know how it feels to have to kindly let down someone who is after your heart. But if She’s All That is truly ‘all that’ then you don’t have to!

Similar to how Zach spends the film remaking his quirky, artistic classmate into the kind of girl that he and his friends can approve of, why not just mould your embarrassing potential partner into what you really want in a date!

Basically, what we’re saying is; if you can’t find a partner you like right away, just create one to suit you from scratch.

Yet while many of this years nominations have been impressive – The Artist, The Tree Of Life and Hugo have all been successful – there are always a handful of landmark movies that the awards juries scandalously overlook

In celebration of those forgotten gems from recent years, we have looked back over the great releases of this decade – 2001 to 2011 – to discover what have been the ten most underrated films.

10) Mean Girls

IMDB: 6.9

What they said:
“It’s a rather uninspired affair that rarely engages the emotions while recycling most of the clichés we’ve come to expect from the high school genre.” – Robert Butler, Kansas City Star

What we say:
Actually, Mean Girls is far from being a clichéd high school drama. Tina Fey executes the story with a venomous, cynical sense of humor, satirizing the stereotypes of the genre with a fierce bite. It’s wickedly funny, refreshingly honest and is smarter than every further effort from Lindsay Lohan combined.

09) Antichrist

IMDB: 6.6

What they said:
“This woman-hating, audience-baiting, nerve-grating tripe gets off to a rancid start, and then just rots away before your very eyes for 104 stupefying minutes.” – Lee Paatsch, Herald Sun

What we say:
Lars Von Trier is cinema’s greatest prankster. No one should enter a film of his without expecting to emerge two hours later enraged and fuelled with debate. Anti-Christ is no different. For two hours, the Danish manic-depressive subjects his audience to some of the most emotionally and physically grueling stuff you’ll ever see on the big screen, challenging you to not be offended. But while some reviewers were disgusted by this horrific and vaguely sexist film it’s impossible to deny Von Trier’s power at making thought-provoking cinema that will write plenty of headlines.

08) Margaret

IMDB: 6.8

What they said:
“A pretentious, talky bore that feels like an amalgamation of work-shopped theater ideas thrown at the wall in the hopes that any one of them will stick.” – Alfonso Duralde, The Wrap

What we say:
Hindered by legal battles, internal disputes, creative differences and financial woes, it took almost half a decade for Kenneth Lonergan’s sophomore feature to reach the big screen when it was essentially dumped by Fox Searchlight. But while the wait was long, Margaret proved to be worth every minute of it. It’s talky, yes, but far from a bore as this New York saga unravels as dramatically as any blockbuster revealing undercurrents post-9/11 disillusion. It’s big, ambitious and packed with an ensemble of great performances from Anna Paquin, Mark Rufallo and Matt Damon.

07) Monsters

IMDB: 6.4

What they said:
“The movie itself is pretty slow moving and the giant alien monsters are disappointing because they appear on the screen so briefly. The really impressive thing about it is how little it cost to make.” – Robert Roten, Movie Scope

What we say:
Monsters is one of the most unique science fiction movies in many years if only for the fact that director Gareth Edwards pushes the genre elements firmly into the background – to the disappointment of many who expected aliens and action! Instead, the film is a beautiful character-driven mood piece about American imperialism and immigration that is as haunting as it is imaginative.

06) Sunshine

IMDB: 7.3

What they said:
“The overall effect is the creation of something truly unbearable — and the curious thing is that this unbearableness is apparent from the first portentous voice-over 30 seconds into the film.” – Mike LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

What we say:
Alright, so Danny Boyle’s sci-fi expedition falls apart in the last, bloody act. But for the most part this is a space adventure that not only pays a beautiful homage to the genre classics such as 2001 and Alien but paints a great, philosophical portrait about whether human nature is simply just survival or if there is something more important.

05) Synecdoche, New York

IMDB: 7.3

What they said:
“No matter how bad you think the worst movie ever made ever was, you have not seen Synecdoche, New York. It sinks to the ultimate bottom of the landfill, and the smell threatens to linger from here to infinity.” – Rex Reed, New York Observer

What we say:
Charlie Kaufman’s surreal film encapsulates everything – life, death, love, loss, hope, disappointment – all in one sprawling two-hour epic. It’s creative and imaginative in a way that you’d always expect from the Being John Malkovich and Eternal Sunshine scribe, but boils with the energy of someone who – like his main character – really wants to make something truly meaningful in his life. It’s as ambitious as anything you will ever see on the big screen.

04) The Tree Of Life

IMDB: 7.1

What they said:
“Are you looking for serious philosophizing, fluid filmmaking and stunning images? Or are satisfying drama and deep emotional connection what draws you in? Ideally you would have both, but that is not the case here.” – Kenneth Turan, L.A. Times

What we say:
Terrence Malick’s Cannes-winning film is unlike anything you will ever witness. An epic yet intimate masterpiece, he shows us the expressionistic fragments of a middle-aged man’s memories from his tortured childhood while painting a portrait of what life ultimately means overall. It oozes with the stunning religious imagery, poetic narration and operatic music that has permeated all his work from Badlands to The New World, but while it’s a quintessential Malick movie he also pushes his own boundaries too. Not to mention those of cinema as a whole. He sacrifices narrative, script, character and plot for fragmented ideas and breathtaking imagery, forcing you to view his movie in a way you have never had to do before.

03) Zodiac

IMDB: 7.8

What they said:
“Ultimately the lack of tautness in the storytelling, seemingly stemming from a desire to be as faithful as possible to Graysmith’s book, costs the film dearly.” – Ben Rawson Jones, Digital Spy

What we say:
Though The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button and The Social Network both garnered Oscar nominations, David Fincher’s best film was sadly snubbed during awards season. Zodiac is his most mature effort to date; a painstakingly accurate translation of the pursuit for San Francisco’s Zodiac killer that is as rivetingly realistic as any mystery story committed to screen.

02) The New World

IMDB: 6.8

What they said:
“The ponderous narrative lacks so much focus that it will likely leave most viewers squirming in their seats.” – Claudia Puig, USA Today

What we say:
Visual poetry from Terrence Malick, his Pocahontas story is filled with such spectacularly beautiful imagery and glorious sound that, if you’re able to submit yourself over to it, you’ll be left in a state of sheer wonder. He sucks you into this world so deeply that emerging from the cinema 3 hours later you’ll feel like you were on another planet.

01) The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford

IMDB: 7.6

What they said:
“For fans who say they’d pay to watch Brad Pitt read the Yellow Pages — well, your money might be better-spent on that.” – Staci Layne Wilson, Buzzine Magazine

What we say:
Among the greatest films in cinematic history, The Assassination Of Jesse James re-evaluated my own personal opinion that a film could never be perfect. This two and a half hour about the days leading up to the Western legend’s murder is a chilling character study embedded with beautiful imagery, painstakingly recreated scenery and an almost unbearable undercurrent of anxiety. But what makes it so remarkable is director Andrew Dominik’s study of celebrity that in an age of X Factor, tabloid magazines and social media has never been more profound. At its centre, moreover, are three jaw-dropping performances from a never better Brad Pitt, the incredible Sam Rockwell and most of all Casey Affleck.

But for all of director Marc Webb’s don’t-call-it-a-reboot attitude and promises of new ideas and darker themes, just how different is the Andrew Garfield starring blockbuster from the original Spider-Man trailer?

We put them both side by side to find out and you can view the full new trailer at the bottom of the page.

The opening shots

Optimism certainly isn’t running high after the new trailer’s opening shot is almost an exact replica of original; a wide exposition shot of New York City at night.

We then cut to another carbon copy of the original Spider-Man’s trailer as Andrew Garfield spins through the air, landing outside the room of an apartment complex.

Could it be that for all his big words, Marc Webb is simply just spinning the same old web?

Peter Parker gains his powers

The story then takes a slight diversion away from Sam Raimi’s film as The Amazing Spider-Man begins to focus on the rebellious, vigilante side of the web-slinging hero. Here, Parker is more ready to explore the riotous nature of his new powers and the police aren’t exactly willing to welcome his crime fighting with open arms.

High school

Peter is still the high school victim, pushed around by those who think they are better than him until his new-found powers give Parker the opportunity to stand up for himself. However, while it was generally colourful in Raimi’s original as the hero found solace through his relationships with Harry and Mary Jane, Webb has seemingly painted Peter as more of a loner here.

It is, however, still hard to take Andre Garfield seriously in the role of a high school student when he is most notable for playing graduates in both Never Let Me Go and The Social Network.

The villain

Out with the Goblin. In With The Lizard. Though the plots share similar trends – both are scientists who try to enhance themselves for a good cause that ultimately backfires – The Amazing Spider-Man does have the added ‘Daddy issues’ dynamic with a sprinkle of guilt on top.

Then again, I guess we should just be thankful there aren’t, what, ten million villains this time. *cough* Spider-Man 3 *cough*.

Set pieces

Ah, the New York bridge set piece. Welcome back, old friend.

The romance

Goodbye, Mary Jane. Say hello to Gwen Stacey who always was always the best – not to mention least irrelevant – romantic interest in Marvel’s comic books. Add to that the beautiful talents of Emma Stone and I’m totally sold on the subplot between her and Garfield’s Parker.

Overall, The Amazing Spider-Man isn’t a total revamp of the story’s concept, but it certainly is a sleeker, modernised version of the Marvel tale that will surely offer some interesting new ideas along the way.

Read on for all the goss!

Marc Webb talks The Amazing Spider-Men and reveals, well, nothing we didn’t know already…

Marc Webb, the director of the upcoming The Amazing Spider-Man and a man apparently born for the duty considering his surname, has spoken a few words about his upcoming project.

He states:

“It’s really important for us to be able to communicate that this isn’t a remake of Sam Raimi’s movie. There’s a new territory, there’s a new villain, it’s a different Peter Parker.”

He continues:

“There are certainly darker, more intense feelings in this movie. There is betrayal, there is tragedy, but there’s also humor and romance… There are moments of furiousness and gravity, absolutely. But are there moments of humor and levity and whimsy? There’s a punk rock quality to Peter Parker that’s really irreverent and fun and that’s something that Andrew embodies in a way that we haven’t seen before. Certainly the materials that have come out have a darker sentiment or there’s a darker projection, but we’re very keen on staying loyal to the humor of Spider-Man.”

In short, Webb’s comments can basically be simplified to:

‘We’re trying to make this different, but let’s be honest, it’s exactly the same.”

I’d say this is a reboot in denial.

The film did, however, allow fans to see a sneak peak of some footage tonight and though we were unable to attend the UK based showings responses have been ecstatic.

The previews did not answer, however, the burning question about how Andrew Garfield’s Peter Parker manages to keep his fuzzy head of hair so static despite hours under a sweaty latex mask.

Take that Webb and your ‘realism’.

Project X gets three TV spots

Having only heard the title of the upcoming Project X, imagine my surprise when I watched these three TV spots and discovered that, in fact, this wasn’t the science fiction thriller I had imagined it would be, but instead a Superbad-styled high school house party film.

Here’s to misleading titles, eh?

But vaguely scientific names aside, this Todd Phillips produced comedy looks about as bad as teen movies get. With absolutely no substance aside from a series of ‘crazy’ things that occur at a teenage party that’s blown way out of proportion, I think you’ve pretty much seen the entire film in these short ads.

It’s tired, unoriginal and even features the obligatory slow-motion-swagger-towards-the-camera-before-a-sports-object-is-launched-at-them scene that guarantees the movie will be utterly unwatchable.

Awkward PR stunt for Sleeping Beauty

In what is easily the most disturbing promotional stunt of 2012 so far, the PR company behind the release of Julia Leigh’s Sleeping Beauty launched a somewhat, er, uncomfortable contest today.

To celebrate the release of the film – which sees Emily Browning as a student who becomes an upmarket prostitute of sorts, being put to sleep while men do anything they want to her – the company is giving London students “the chance to win £1000 [by being] a real-life Sleeping Beauty”.

Thankfully, they’re not exactly paying you to be fondled by old men like in the Cannes Film Festival celebrated film; they just want you to stay in a large public bed for 12 hours. But it still strikes me as a highly inappropriate way to market a film about sex workers.

I pray to God these guys don’t try to think of a similar stunt for Michael next month.

Whether you’re into young men built like the proverbial shit house running around a field with a ball or simply just want to see some adorable puppies – does it make me less of a man if I admit I’m more interested in the latter? – there’s something for everyone.

Among today’s American football event, furthermore, are some brand new trailers for some the hottest movie releases of the year. And guess what. We’re discussing them.

The Avengers (Teaser)

The Avengers continues to look like a Disney remake of Battle: Los Angeles with superheroes. The hype for this movie is beyond belief – even at a mere 17 seconds I’m sure there are fanboys across the world who practically had an orgasm at the sight of this trailer – but I simply cannot see the appeal here. Well, other than Scarlett Johansson in latex. Naturally.

1/5

The Hunger Games

With people already calling this their favourite film having not seen more than 2 minutes of footage, it’s fair to say The Hunger Games is slightly anticipated. Starring Jennifer Lawrence in what will inevitably be a star-making role, the Superbowl trailer show an uncomfortable blend of Brazil-esque, madcap social satire and the same overblown sentimentality that makes The Twilight Saga such an unfathomable hit.

That’s right, I just managed to put Brazil and Twilight in the same sentence.

If The Hunger Games sways more to the former, I can see this being a great blockbuster smash. The latter, on the other hand, then it’ll be about as attractive to me as a Madonna directed, Reese Witherspoon starring biopic of Kim Kardashian (very).

3/5

John Carter From Mars (Teaser)

Perhaps the first trailer in the history of film marketing in which the disclaimer is longer than the footage, there is literally nothing to be said about Disney’s John Carter other than how eye-catching the type typeface is. Yup, a multi-million dollar blockbuster and that’s the best compliment I can give.

0/5

The Dictator

Whether The Dictator is simply a dumb comedy of Meet The Spartans proportions or actually a biting, satirical black comedy about autocracy remains to be seen. On one hand, this Sacha Baron Cohen vehicle looks about as intellectually stimulating as a night out with the cast of Jersey Shore while, on the other, there are flickers of hope, especially in the final seconds of this trailer. Can the Borat team deliver again?

2/5

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

You’re not exactly off to a great start when you have Dwayne Johnson – whose only visible acting talent is being able to not look at the camera – quoting the “immortal” words of Jay Z as if they were scriptures from the Bible. And, frankly, it doesn’t get much better when the rest of G.I. Joe: Retaliation’s trailer is made up for mundane action scenes so overblown they make Transformers look like The White Ribbon.

1/5

Battleship

Battleship asks the age-old question ‘what would a board game adaptation starring Rhianna look like?’ The answer, not surprisingly, is ‘shit’. The film is essentially a carbon copy of Transformers. It looks like Transformers. It feels like Transformers. God, it even sounds like Transformers.

1/5

The Lorax

Is it as dark as the book? Nope. Does it promise to be anywhere near as good as Despicable Me? Hell no. But for sheer colour infused bliss, it doesn’t like you could go too far wrong with The Lorax. Good children’s films are often hard to come by outside of the Pixar catalogue, hallowed be thy name, but this one does look like a whole heap of fun.

3/5

John Carter (Full)

Update: It still sucks.

1/5

The Avengers (Full)

I’m still concerned by how little story we’re being provided in contrast to how much action these trailers present. However, I will admit it, this full clip does look like a lot of fun. Seeing all the Marvel heroes in one 360 degrees shot is just about any comic fan’s wet dream and Tom Hiddleston, well, he kicks so much ass, right?

3/5

Hollywood continue to carry the torch of creativity and innovation with more news on the English language remake of Indonesian cult smash The Raid while Harrison Ford is in talks for a Blade Runner sequel.

Yup. Can’t you just feel yourself just foaming at the mouth with excitement?

Harrison Ford in talks for Blade Runner sequel

What do you do when you haven’t made a good film since the 1980s? Step up your game? Pack it in? Not according to Ridley Scott. The director has, instead, revisited the only two great movies he’s ever created and re-vamped them for modern day audiences. His Alien spin-off Prometheus lands this Summer and pre-production has begun on a Blade Runner sequel. Today, it is suggested that its star Harrison Ford is in talks to be returning.

Surely, this would damage his credibility having bashed the film upon its release? Then again, I guess it would be hard to sinking any lower in people’s estimations after Cowboys And Aliens.

Pointless remake no. 823745: American version of The Raid gets a writer

With deafening buzz growing around the Indonesian action The Raid – despite only playing at festivals so far – it shouldn’t comes as much of a shock that a remake is being planned by Hollywood. Brad Ingelsby will pen the script for the action film about a SWAT team who attempt to take down a crime-ridden apartment complex which is being produced by Screen Gems.

The new lycra soaked character banner for Marvel’s upcoming The Avengers, the no-named casting of an ABC star in The Evil Dead remake, Daniel Craig in action on the London set of Skyfall and the production of a new musical romance from the director of the wonderful Once.

Read on for all the full stories!

Marvel’s The Avengers gets a cheesy, lycra-crazy banner poster

Continuing to look dumber than a weekend with the Kardashians, this new banner for The Avengers shows the film’s stars striking a pose. In mid-air. Looking at nothing in particular. Yep.

Interest in The Evil Dead continues to nose-dive with some nobody landing a lead role

The Evil Dead remake continues to appease fan’s worries that it’s simply just a shameless cash-grab by casting another A-list star in the film: Jane Levy! What? You’ve never heard of her? How the hell aren’t you aware of her groundbreaking turn in ABC’s Suburgatory? Psh.

Well, if that hasn’t spiked your interest, here is a jaw-dropping picture of the woods that the film will be shooting in via director Shiloh Fernandez’s Twitter account. Because, of course, we couldn’t possibly imagine for ourselves what some dirt and trees might look like.

Pictures of Daniel Craig on the set of new 007 flick Skyfall emerge

Some cheeky so and so has been snapping pictures of Daniel Craig filming a scene from the new, Sam Mendes directed, guaranteed-to-be-brillo James Bond film Skyfall. In a desperate attempt to make this news story remotely interesting, I have speculated what may be occurring in the photos:

Hello? Oh, hi Steven. Yeah? Yeah? WHAT? They didn’t nominate The Adventures Of TinTin? I’ll be right there!	Taxi! Stop! Taxi!	Wait! Wait! Ah, fuck it.

Once director hits New York with Ruffalo and Johansson for Can A Song Save Your Life?

Once director John Carney will blend romance and music together, um, once again with Can A Song Save Your Life?

The story follows Gretta, to be played by Scarlett Johansson, and her long-time boyfriend who move to New York to pursue their passion for music. She’s heartbroken, however, when he dumps her for the fame and fortune of a big solo contract, leaving Gretta all on her own.

Her world takes a turn for the better though when a down-on-his-luck record producer, played by Mark Ruffalo, stumbles upon her singing in a local bar and is immediately captivated by her talent.

They may be each other’s last chance to turn their lives around and the two strangers strike a chord that captures the hearts of everyone around them.

Add to that the producer credits of Eternal Sunshine’s Tobin Armburst – real name, I swear – and modern comedy legend Judd Apatow and this basically sounds like one big, fuzzy ball of awwwww.

Mavis was once the centre of everyone’s attention and object of every classroom colleague’s admiration. The kind of girl who would associate with only a select crowd of popular individuals, holding dominion over them and dictating whom exactly they can converse with, what they should wear and what they must be doing at all times.

However, these values that got Mavis through her adolescence were not able bring her success in everything else that followed in life and, as a result, she is friendless, unemployed and, unlike she could have ever imagined before, desperately alone.

So when she discovers that her high school sweetheart, Buddy, is now married with a young child, Mavis decides to take one last shot at reclaiming her former happiness by attempting to break up their relationship while he is at his most vulnerable.

As Mavis embarks on this mission, Juno writer Diablo Cody tracks the implementation of her devious plan with a wicked sense of dark humour. Watching her lie to high school alumni about her success in a desperate attempt at regaining her throne as the object of everyone’s envy and arrogantly working her childish charm on Buddy with a smug egotism will remarkably make you squirm just as much as it will make you laugh.

The Hello Kitty outfit Mavis sports, designer glasses that perch on top of her nose and 80s music that blasts from her Mini Cooper, moreover, are all wonderfully comic little touches that add to the sense that our main character is imprisoned in her high school glory days.

However, at the heart of Cody’s story is a tremendous sense of sadness. Though you laugh at Mavis’ pathetic attempts to steal back her prom king upon returning to Mercury, the little hick town that she now has nothing but contempt for, you also feel a genuine pity for her. Mavis is someone who is evidently disillusioned, lost and achingly unhappy with the choices she has made in life and as a viewer you want desperately for someone to pick her up and guide her down a new path no matter how unlikeable she is.

She’s an incredible, complex creation by Diablo Cody who has greatly matured since her quick-talking, pop culture referencing, quirkily characterized previous efforts.  The Oscar winner has dropped these gimmicks and stopped trying to fill the void where Juno left off, finally allowing us to truly witness gifted scriptwriter that she is.

In fact, it wouldn’t be unfair to call Young Adult a stroke of genius. It’s a personal, dark, deeply affecting and incredibly unique glance into a world that has never been portrayed on screen before and at its heart is one of the most fascinating and well acted characters cinema has given us in some time.

5/5

UK Cinema Release Date: Friday 3rd February 2012
Directed by: Jason Reitman
Written by: Diablo Cody
Produced by: Diablo Cody, Lianne Halfon, Mason Novick, Jason Reitman, Russell Smith, Charlize Theron
Starring: Charlize Theron, Patrick Wilson, Elizabeth Reaser, Patton Oswalt
Genres: Comedy, Drama
Language: English
Runtime: 1 hour 34 minutes (approx.)

The thought of just one Adam Sandler in a film is bad enough. But two? That makes me want to punch a puppy in the face. And let’s not even start on the fact that he’s in drag.

So, instead of giving you a review, I’ve picked out some short phrases that would have inevitably made it into my article had I been stupid enough to waste a single penny on this monstrosity:

• Sexist scumbag
• Complete moron
• Hateful shower of bastards
• You’ll see more laughs at a holocaust memorial
• Fuck you, Adam Sandler, you’re lowering the world’s IQ one moron at a time. Fuck. You.